can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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