I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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