and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
