Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
