ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
