I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
