didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
