Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
