I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
