The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
