I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
