We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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