Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
