If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
