Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
