roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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