she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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