Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A+ Viking dick
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
