When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
