i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
