you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
