if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
