After last night, I could never be a politician.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My penis needs a shock collar
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
