Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
