and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
