I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
