I can text with my tongue
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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