Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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