Small penises have feelings too.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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