Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
