we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
