when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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