My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
