just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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