What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
