you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
