worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
