The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
