Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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