I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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