kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
