Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
