you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
