i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
