Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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