she looked like the bat from fern gully.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
be right there i have to get my cape
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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