She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
