jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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