the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
