Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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