he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
