"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
