Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
