Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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